The High Performance SUV


I was conversing with a friend about possible next cars. He recently became a dad (for the second time) and needs something big enough to fit a rear-facing car seat and a regular car seat. Naturally, I recommended an SUV for their practicality and versatility. He, on the other hand, wants a sports car. Since he likes his marriage, he will probably smarten up and abandon any thoughts of doing something for himself for the next 20 years or so.

I recommended a performance SUV and he balked, saying, “there is no such thing as a performance SUV…they are too big to handle corners. If I was going to do that, I would get a cheaper sports car as a weekend car, and get a cheap minivan for the rest of the time.”

This guy is clearly insane, and I don’t need that type of person in my life. Back to the cars…here’s my top three contenders:

Porsche Cayenne Turbo S


Range Rover Sport SVR

What do they all have in common? Boatloads of power, my friend. Each one makes over 550 horsepower. 550 horsepower was supercar territory not that long ago. The all do this with fancy-dancy transmissions that shift faster and harder than you can process the G-forces, sending all the power to each corner.

To re-cap, we have a bunch of power, all-wheel drive and amazing transmissions that are sports tuned…What’s next?

Navigation, backup camera, heated and cooled seats, heated steering wheels, rear DVD, power lift gates, Panoramic roof, push-button start, massaging seats, and so much more. These suburban sledgehammers are built to coddle and pamper you, too.

What if I told you that you could pull 0-60 in 3.7 seconds while your wife is yelling at your kids in the back seat because they won’t stop crying that they didn’t get ice-cream because they fought each other in every aisle at Cosco? Because that is a reality with the BMW X5M.

Let’s take another scenario: you have been invited to the boss’s cottage with the family for the long weekend. Your wife is late because she can’t decide what bathing suit looks best with what sandals (even though it is October). Also, the apple of your eye gets detention for texting during class. Thanks to your Porsche Cayenne Turbo S, you can sail up to the cottage at a brisk 285 km/h and make up lost time like a bandit.

Need another example? You bet: It is mid-January and the snow won’t stop falling. There is more snow on the ground than hair on your head (maybe) and it is thick (the snow). Your child is crying and needs medicine. Your wife is crying and needs chocolate. You know the only way to get a restful night sleep is to go the drug store and get the necessary drugs for both you and your wife…but you look outside and it is snowmaggedon. Thanks to the 5000+ pound heft of your Range Rover Sport SVR, its off-road modes and snow melting torque help you to conquer all. You make it to the drug store and back in record time, and safe the blessed day.

What was the “gentleman’s hot rod” of yore (essentially a fast sedan), has morphed into an SUV with all the modern day features and amenities that you could ever want. They do it in a larger package that is better equipped to deal with kids, work, shopping, commuting, vacations…life.

Just because your life circumstances change, it doesn’t mean you have to throw in the towel. In fact, it could be just the excuse you needed to get an SUV that seriously slays. So, you’re welcome.








One thought on “The High Performance SUV

  1. Your best blog yet. Was any of the “research” for this piece done while you were traveling as nine year old in the back of our family sedan?

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