A Farewell To My Winter Beater

It is with profound sadness that I announce the timely death of my Honda CRV. Unexpectedly, she “yacked” a starter. The Honda, or as she was more often referred to as “that bag of crap that Sam Drives with no exhaust” died peacefully in her sleep… and simply refused to start today.

She lived a great life, with humble beginnings in the East Coast of Canada. She lived most of her life frolicking among the coastal highways and byways. Spending weekends shuttling kayaks and going for adventures, she was always a trooper. After a lengthy life in the land of cod and fog she wound up in the bewildering city of Toronto. Toronto was a confusing place with street lights and highways and traffic, but the Honda would not give in. She was as stubborn as people who choose to spend winters in the east coast of Canada. She provided over a year of faithful service to Errey and was no longer shuttling kayaks or going for Spritely outings… now she was commuting from Toronto to Brampton 5 days a week and providing safe transport to Erreys children, and dog.

Errey outgrew the CRV ( dude got a sweet deal on a diesel Mercedes) and wanted to get rid of the CRV quickly and painlessly, luckily for Errey I had just sold my car and was looking for something cheap to get me through the winter. It was a match made in convenience. I was fortunate enough to spend time with the CRV during its final months, we had 5,600 good kilometers together. I accepted her with all her faults not limited to but including: malfunctioning horn, missing rear wiper, the vaguest steering in any car… ever, creaking doors, the slight smell of mold on the interior and rust that was creeping out from below the belt. You could tell the CRV was starting to want permanent retirement. One day her exhaust fell off, she stopped sounding like a quaint SUV and started sounding like a rhinoceros that just had a belt sander taken to its nether regions. I didn’t mind, frankly I enjoyed her slightly more baritone exhaust note. When she started to suffer from incontinence (she leaked oil) I liked to think of this as her just marking her territory… but in my heart of hearts I knew the end was near. No longer did she amuse me (the CD player stopped working) and she really let go over her looks (I stopped washing her).

Today I attempted to start her and got power from the severely corroded battery but no starter kicked in… after cursing/coxing her a bit, and hitting the starter a solid dozen times with a wrench roughly the size of that rhino’s femur she still would not start. I will not do any indignity to a deceased car… she will die with glory and pride knowing that she had gone up to the bitter end. What is odd about her passing is that it happened roughly a week after I replaced her with something newer and slightly less crappy… it was as if she knew “I can go now… my time is done”.

I will be sending it to the scrap yard in the next day or so, where she will no doubt be melted down, sent to China and come back to our shores in the form of paper clips, refrigerators and possibly the front suspension of a Chrysler product.

Who knows…you might even have a piece of her.